Pricey Amy, I’m 64 and retired. My husband is 62 and has his personal home-based enterprise.
He mentioned he was going to retire, however now he’s saying he’ll simply work half time so that we are going to have more money “to play.”
We moved to an especially small city, which has only a few leisure alternatives. It entails over two hours of driving to get all however essentially the most fundamental of medical care.
Many of the girls right here grew up with their associates, and will not be welcoming.
There may be additionally snow on the bottom for six months of the yr, and I’ve bodily issues that make it tough and dangerous for me to stroll in snow.
My husband is completely satisfied right here. He has associates by way of his work and doesn’t actually care about spending time with folks.
He’s an out of doors man. All I do is watch TV with him or await him to not be working.
I wish to transfer to a spot the place I’ve extra choices for friendship and leisure, however he refuses to maneuver.
He doesn’t prefer to journey, and I’m afraid the remainder of my life will likely be spent dwelling on this fishbowl the place I can solely look outdoors and be alone.
He rejects the concept of in search of one other place, and turns into offended after I convey it up.
What ought to I do now?
– Trapped Spouse
Pricey Trapped: Your husband’s “play fund” appears to use solely to him. There doesn’t appear to be a lot play in your life.
I assume that you’ve carried out your utmost to interact within the social lifetime of your chilly dwelling. Becoming a member of ebook teams, volunteering on the library, or getting a part-time job would assist to maintain you engaged and lively.
You might be sad. You might be chilly. Your well being is in danger. You haven’t adjusted to life on this place.
For the rest of this winter, you would possibly spend time researching choices. Do you may have associates or relations dwelling in additional congenial locales? In that case, it is best to look into options for locations to remain for not less than the worst of the winter. You would possibly be capable to hire or share a room in an reasonably priced space.
My total level is that you simply clearly really feel trapped, however maybe you shouldn’t look to your husband for options.
Pricey Amy: Some long-time associates and I hadn’t seen one another for years and just lately obtained collectively for just a few days to reconnect.
Whereas at a restaurant for lunch, one buddy discreetly picked up the tab.
Upon discovering out the invoice was taken care of, “Alice” vocally refused this sort gesture and requested the waitress, “Are you able to reverse the cost?”
I quietly mentioned, “Alice, simply say thanks. It’s the swish factor to do.”
Alice obtained upset and loudly questioned: “Did you simply inform me what to do?” – drawing the eye of the remainder of our desk.
She made a face at me, gave me “the hand,” and turned to the waitress, saying, “Don’t you simply hate it when different folks inform you what to do?”
The waitress stood there awkwardly. I mentioned nothing, nevertheless it rattled me.
Now that we’re all again dwelling, I needed to observe up with Alice and type this out, however each my sister, my husband, and one other buddy who was there have all suggested me to simply let or not it’s.
Sadly, I’m nonetheless dwelling on it.
Throughout this awkward second, did I behave inappropriately?
Maybe I ought to have simply mentioned nothing and let it play out between Alice, the buddy who paid the invoice, and the waitress?
How would possibly I higher deal with this sort of scenario, ought to it occur once more?
– Misplaced my Lunch
Pricey Misplaced: Given how this episode performed out, I assume you would like you’d stayed quiet, and but you probably did nothing mistaken. You provided a buddy your mild suggestions (I agree with you, by the way in which), and he or she aggressively and publicly shut you down.
I’m unsure why you’ll wish to contact “Alice” to kind this out, apart from to ask for an apology for her harshness, which you certainly wouldn’t obtain.
Pricey Amy: I’m nonetheless bothered by the letter from “Nameless,” a self-described “man-child” who desires no children, pets, dwelling – or any grownup duties.
I ponder who he thinks will deal with him when he wants care?
– Grown Up
Pricey Grown Up: Caregiving in elder years isn’t the one cause to have youngsters, however – should you increase them proper – children can definitely come in useful.
(You may electronic mail Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or ship a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Field 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You too can observe her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
